I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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