i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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