Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
