your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
