She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
