i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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