Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
