Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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