We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
