Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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