I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
