Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
