I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I've blown a few things in my day
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
