I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
