So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
