Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
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