Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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