I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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