My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
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