I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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