she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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