So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
