saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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