How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize