when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
We need to get me chipped asap
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize