he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
