closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
