Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
