I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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