By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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