Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
