Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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