I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
How's work?
Spinning.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
