i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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