Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
