Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize