Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
