But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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