i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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