Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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