I think i sorta joined a cult last night
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
