I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
