And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
