My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Randomize
