used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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