got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
