Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
