Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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