My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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