wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
