You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
