I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
