I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
You ruined the universe
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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