You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
