id be glad to
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
