i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Can I color on your dick again?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
