Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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