That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
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