Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Randomize
