if you like me you must not know who I am
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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