woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
