I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
