we're blogging at a bar
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize