I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
