I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
