just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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