I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
