Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
