I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
